The Multiples… and the Single

At Multiples Hutt Valley, our core mission is to support local families of multiples. It therefore comes as no surprise that the majority of our advocacy and content is about the experiences of having twins, triplets, quadruplets and beyond. This is our bread and butter! But part of our support is in helping you deal with all that having multiples means, including the stresses it can impart on your parenting journey with your non-multiples, or ‘singletons’.

As with the birth of any new sibling, the older child can feel left out, neglected, or suddenly not as interesting. This feeling can be amplified when twins (or more) are born. As parents, we’re stretched that much thinner. As family and friends, we are that much more enthralled. And singleton siblings can be left feeling that much smaller.

As the multiples grow up, feelings of exclusion may start to cement. People will refer to ‘the twins’ or 'the triplets' all the time and tout their intense bond and supposed telepathy. This can feel major for a young child, and can make them feel like they don’t belong because even though they have fantastic siblings, they don’t have that built-in best friend that people harp on about.

So what can we do? How can we bring the singleton more into the picture, especially in the early years where the multiples’ needs are more demanding?

Firstly, it is important to let your singleton be involved. Keep doors open, invite questions, ask for their help with small tasks. Show them that the new multiples are as much the singleton’s beloved new siblings as they are your babies.

Secondly, while it is important to involve your singleton in the daily multiples life, they are not a third pair of hands, a caretaker, or a minder. It is important that your singleton knows that they can still be a fun-loving, silly and playful child and they don’t need to ‘rise to the occasion’. 

Thirdly, think about the language you, and your loved ones are using around the singleton. At the end of the day, your children are all siblings, two or more of whom just happen to be same-age siblings. Try to avoid language that separates your singleton from your multiples, and avoid perpetuating twin or triplet stereotypes that would make the singleton feel even more alone.

And lastly, think about the democratic process! Especially in childhood, multiples may share similar opinions and feelings as a result of their closeness. Consequently, when family decisions are being made, the opinions of the multiples often outweigh that of the singleton, because there's strength in numbers. Make special considerations for your singleton child(ren) to ensure that their voice is being heard, and acted upon.